And too uncomfortable.Īnd while those things are true of every adventure I’ve embarked on, there is another truth that rings even truer. I’ve had moments of panic, wondering what in the world I was thinking when I made this decision. It is all too easy to spiral down into fear and despair, long before any difficult thing actually happens. I am a champion at worst-case-scenarios, which makes for great story-telling, but leads to anxiety in my personal life. I don’t like change, yet God’s given me an adventuring spirit that is willing to go into uncharted territory. In the weeks or months leading up to a big change, my heart has a tug of war with itself. These quiet moments of preparation before my “normal” is completely turned upside down are precious, and frightening at times. I’ve taken lots of deep breaths before this plunge.

I’ve been here several times in my life, on the edge of something completely life-changing.īefore I left for college, the first person in my close-knit family to leave home, move to another state, and complete a bachelor’s degree.īefore I moved overseas, to another country to learn a new, difficult language and be immersed in a new culture.īefore I moved back to America, not knowing in the least what was next.īefore I got married, choosing to trade singleness for lifelong partnership.Īnd now, I sit at the cusp of adopting four children, ages two to seven. Gandalf calls it “the deep breath before the plunge”. Everyone is on edge, waiting for it to start. In one of my favorite books, The Return of the King, Gandalf, the venerable wizard, and Pippin, the playful but maturing Hobbit, arrive at a major city at the cusp of an enormous battle.

The deep breath before the plunge